Kate, 49, and Abby, 52, struck up a conversation on a flight from New York to London in the 90s. They have been close friends ever since
Lizzie CernikThu 17 Oct 2024 14.00 BSTLast modified on Thu 17 Oct 2024 14.02 BSTShareAs a friendly student who loved to travel, striking up a conversation on a flight wasn’t unusual for Kate. But when she boarded a plane headed from New York to London in January 1996, she had no idea she would be making a friend for life. “I’d spent the previous summer interning for Rolling Stone magazine and a publishing company in New York, and I was returning for New Year to visit pals,” she says. “I was then going back to university in London.”
She introduced herself to Abby, in the neighbouring seat. “I’d studied in Bristol during my junior year in college and fallen in love with a British boy,” says Abby. “After completing my studies in the States and training at culinary school, I was on my way back to the UK to gain experience working in restaurants for three months.” She was also “incredibly excited” to be seeing her boyfriend again.
Kate and Abby clicked instantly. “We talked for the entire flight,” says Kate. “We had a paper menu and I remember we were laughing at the pretentious way it was written, because it was just standard plane food.”
Tell us about your stories of love or friendship below.</p>","prompt":"Share your experience","displayOnSensitive":false,"elementId":"7d580d26-6867-4af7-9acf-d9c4d95514ca","title":"Share your story","isNonCollapsible":false,"formFields":[{"_type":"model.dotcomrendering.pageElements.CalloutFormFieldBase","name":"your_name","id":"142664316","hideLabel":false,"label":"Your name","hidden":false,"type":"text","required":true},{"_type":"model.dotcomrendering.pageElements.CalloutFormFieldBase","name":"tell_us_a_bit_about_yourself_age_where_you_live_etc","id":"142664317","hideLabel":false,"label":"Tell us a bit about yourself: age, where you live etc.","hidden":false,"type":"text","required":true},{"_type":"model.dotcomrendering.pageElements.CalloutFormFieldBase","name":"is_your_relationship_romantic_or_platonic","id":"142664318","hideLabel":false,"label":"Is your relationship romantic or platonic?","hidden":false,"type":"text","required":false},{"_type":"model.dotcomrendering.pageElements.CalloutFormFieldBase","name":"tell_us_about_your_friendship_or_relationship_and_how_it_began","id":"142664319","hideLabel":false,"label":"Tell us about your friendship or relationship and how it began","hidden":false,"type":"textarea","required":true},{"_type":"model.dotcomrendering.pageElements.CalloutFormFieldBase","name":"if_you_like_upload_a_picture_of_yourselfselves","id":"142664320","hideLabel":false,"label":"If you like, upload a picture of yourself/selves","hidden":false,"type":"file","required":false},{"_type":"model.dotcomrendering.pageElements.CalloutFormFieldBase","name":"email","description":"We’ll contact you to arrange an interview","id":"142664321","hideLabel":false,"label":"Email","hidden":false,"type":"text","required":true},{"_type":"model.dotcomrendering.pageElements.CalloutFormFieldBase","name":"telephone","id":"142664322","hideLabel":false,"label":"Telephone","hidden":false,"type":"text","required":false}],"_type":"model.dotcomrendering.pageElements.CalloutBlockElementV2","tagName":"callout-how-we-met-friends-and-relationships","activeFrom":1681171200000,"id":"38167a85-c3be-4127-b1ca-b6c56d15c043","calloutsUrl":"https://callouts.guardianapis.com/formstack-campaign/submit","formId":5243435},"pageId":"lifeandstyle/2024/oct/17/how-we-met-we-got-chatting-on-the-plane-and-she-suggested-i-move-in-with-her"}”>Share your experienceShare your storyTell us about your stories of love or friendship below.
Please share your story if you are 18 or over, anonymously if you wish. For more information please see our terms of service and privacy policy.Tell us hereYour responses, which can be anonymous, are secure as the form is encrypted and only the Guardian has access to your contributions. We will only use the data you provide us for the purpose of the feature and we will delete any personal data when we no longer require it for this purpose. For true anonymity please use our SecureDrop service instead.Show moreAbby says their shared experience of going abroad as students gave them lots to talk about. “Over the course of the flight, it came up that she was looking for a flatmate, and I needed somewhere to stay in London so she suggested I move in with her.” They exchanged phone numbers and agreed that Abby would go to see Kate’s flat, after which she decided to move in.
“We were living in Hackney and threw lots of themed parties. Once, we did a James Bond theme and Abs bought ‘0’ and ‘7’- shaped cake tins,” says Kate. “We had so much fun together.”
View image in fullscreen‘We threw lots of themed parties’ … Abby and Kate at their James Bond party in Hackney, 1996In April 1996, Abby broke up with her British boyfriend before returning to New York. Kate finished university and started working in film as a casting assistant, while Abby became a chef for Martha Stewart’s TV show. Despite the distance, they kept in touch with regular phone calls and would visit each other when they could.
A few years later, Kate got the opportunity to move to New York as a junior manager for a talent agency. By that time, Abby was working for a continental restaurant and living in Brooklyn. Their friendship continued and they loved being able to see each other more regularly. “We used to throw parties all the time and Abby would always make the food. We would have an Oscars party every year, with prizes for the best dressed.”
Abby has always appreciated her friend’s style and creativity. “When I got married in 2006, she designed all the invitations.” Kate moved to Brighton, England, in 2009, to focus on creative writing. She now works for a medical communications agency and is writing her second novel. “Abby actually features in my first book,” she says. “It was crowdfunded and one of the pledge options was to name a character after yourself, which Abby’s mum did on her behalf.”
Abby still lives in Brooklyn and runs a cookery school, events space and an American restaurant in the Lower East Side. They keep in touch via long Zoom chats and Kate is hoping to celebrate her “big birthday” next year at Abby’s restaurant.
“We’ve both had tangled paths with relationships and work challenges and we always support each other through,” says Kate. “Neither of us have children, though not through choice. Sometimes we chat about whether we might want to foster and adopt in the future.”
Abby describes Kate as a true friend and someone who will always be loyal. “I can talk to her about anything, and that’s something we’ve done all these years.”
Whatever is happening, Abby is Kate’s “go-to” person to mull things over. “We know we’ve always got each other’s backs and we’re never judgmental,” she says. “We have the same approach that life is short and you just have to give things a whirl.”